Albert Danzig is the greatest soldier ever to serve. He swears that’s not his fault.

First appearing in the Korean War (we think) Private Danzig – Dancer to most everyone – was a communications expert tossed onto the frontlines with the grunts. A place he certainly had no business being. When his unit was ambushed, Danzig took his first bullet. A slight grazing, it was good enough to get him his first Purple Heart, a week in the MASH, but not a plane ticket home.

When the young man was shot again, the grunts called him “Unlucky.” When he took another round (while recovering at the MASH, no less) he earned his new nickname, “Bullet Magnet.” And yet, he just kept on ticking. They sent him home briefly (with three Purple Hearts), but somehow along the way (even our records can’t confirm) he found himself back on the same theatre, deep in the trenches, running communication for the frontlines. When the enemy overran his unit – his guys dropping like flies around him – Danzig managed to stay alive, somehow. He was shot five times, none of them fatal. Through sheer incidence designated valiance, Danzig stemmed the tide and even held off the enemies. After that accommodations (and a Silver Star) rolled in for Danzig, well in over his head.

A few tours later, with a total of five Purple Hearts, and a Silver Star, Danzig wound up a Colonel.

Afterward, records – as inconceivable as it might be – show Danzig enlisted in The Secret Service, attached to John F. Kennedy’s personal detail. His file is immaculate. Almost too immaculate. Following the assassination of the President, Danzig returned to the military. He served through the Vietnam War, taking a few more rounds (and taking home a few more Hearts), dictatating several successful campaigns. By the time of the Cold War, Albert Danzig was now General (two-star) Albert Danzig.

Somewhere in that time, one of the bullets that hit Danzig ruptured his larynx, making him a mute. He played out the rest of his military career in comfortable obscurity until retirement.

Retired from a most illustrious military career, in his 70′s and growing weary of a quiet home life, Danzig wanted more. He got it. There are holes at this point in our records, however, somewhere along the way, Danzig was co-opted as field leader for The _________________, the world’s greatest superhero team.

Okay, so if this “dossier” doesn’t set a tone for the character’s world, and how asinine it in fact is, then I’m not doing my job. Danzig IS “metahuman.” Unfortunately for him, his ability is being able to get shot, or take bullets. Even ones that aren’t meant for him. He’s lucky in a sense that these bullets will never kill him. He’s not actually a good soldier – he’s actually quite inept – but his inability to die from convention weapons means that he doesn’t have to be much in order to survive and be successful.

So, his service is entirely hot air, but it reads well. There is a plot wrapped up in how, it seems, Danzig winds up in places he wouldn’t be allowed to be (due to military regulations) or how he can be a part of the Army AND Secret Service. Rest assured those plots are absurd.

Other things that might stick out, yes, he’s in his 70′s (at least, according to his D.O.B.) and yes, he’s going to lead a superhero team. He’s field commander and strategist. That’s something he’s actually not bad at. Problem? That bullet to the larynx…he’s mute. To pass along commands to his heroes, he scribbles on notebook paper.

This character is from a very classic character set. A mad cap, incidental hero in the vein of Inspector Clouseau, and in that sense, it is something well outside my comfort range. I am however, very interested in the juxtapose of a gritty/soldier/merc type character with an otherwiser pure mad cap zanity.

2 thoughts on “mugshots: BULLET MAGNET

  1. Part of me really hopes you keep “The _______________” as the name of the world’s greatest superhero team.

    Who else is on that crew, by the by?

    Perhaps they and MEAT can co-exist in the same universe?

  2. @Caleb Kinkaid

    The ________ and MEAT certainly could co-exist in the same universe. Right now, Danzig is the only one who will no matter what be on the squad. Ostensibly, all the mugshots I post will have a shot at making it, but I’ll probably do some Jason Todd like stunt to pare down the squad.


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